Missing miss Dee

It’s been about two months since Deirdre passed away… February 2nd 2012 was the day.

I’ve been missing her a lot lately. I mean, I’ve missed her everyday since she left; that girl is damn missable. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about her or long for her.

But when I say, “missing her a lot lately” I mean that I miss her the way I do right now, because of where I am and who I’m with. Picking up what I’m putting down?

Being here in New Mexico and not having anyone around who knew her, makes the “process” of hurting a little different. There is no one to reminisce about her with me… no one to miss her with me… and no one who feels the same empty space that I do.

A couple of the guys who I live with have seen the pictures of her and I… I have them posted in my room, saved as the screen saver on my phone, my iPad and laptop… and those few boys have asked me who she is. But I never really say much more than, “that’s my best friend, Deirdre”…  Of course they don’t know that she passed, and so they don’t press further for information. They likely just look at the pictures and think we are a couple of super babes (haha) and then their thoughts float away from that moment and into the next… probably onto cheeseburgers or wake boarding… or whatever it is that boys think about when they aren’t thinking of girls. I can’t expect them to know that I’d love to tell them all about her. Hey wanna do some pillow talk later, boys? Ohhh… No?… is that weird since we don’t really know each other? Rightooo.

I think at home if a memory surfaced that I wanted to laugh about or if these needs were arising, I would just talk freely about them. My loved ones at home knew how significant she was to me. They knew all about her… they miss and loved her like I did. How could you not love her, right? Dang, she was one lovable creature. A freaking angel on earth. I wish everyone reading this, had the blessing of knowing her.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing about it all now, just to get it off my chest since none of the guys here would likely be up for girlie pillow talk. Writing is an obvious outlet for me… this is an easy way to tell the world I really miss her, and that I wish everyday that I could talk to her…

Side note: I bet she is so proud of me right now. She always had ridiculous amounts of faith in everything I wanted to do. She’d be really happy for my adventures, this I know. Probably a bit bummed though, that my dreams have taken me all the way down in New Mexico, but she would be supportive no matter what. That was Deirdre. And chances are she’d also be pressing for details on how things were going down here, too. And by pressing for details, I mean she’d be waiting for me to spill the beans on the guys I’m living with. Hey, I mean, come one… we are a couple of girls who just whole heartedly appreciate good looking, manly men…  Yes, they are cute, Deirdre. No, I’m not into them like that. Haha. The guys at the gym? Yup, bunch of good looking fellas there… Banging actually, You’d like to get your hands on a few of them. 😉

Ha… dang.  I like that conversation. I just wish I could have it.

Always loving you girl, always missing you.



  1. Dear Erin – you do not know me but I have been following your blog for about a year and find so much inspiration in everything you do. I was compelled to write something about this blog post.

    Girly, talk about Deidre to those boys you’re living with! You said it in your tribute, “if you have stories of her, share those experiences with each other”. That comment didn’t just apply to the day of the funeral. If you want to talk about her and really share the joy that she contributed to your life – DO IT! People love a good story especially when its genuine and from the heart!

    You also said in your speech that she loved to tell stories. Think of you telling her story as a way to connect with her and what she brought into your life! You don’t have to get all gooey and pillow-talky, but ‘Im guessing you have a few stories that the boys would love. They are your family right now, and it’s ok to lean on them sometimes when you need it.

    Lastly, in your tribute you said to believe that your messages to Deidre can still be received. So keep talkin to her darlin!

    Be strong, have faith and trust that people can be there for you. Best of luck and kick some ass,


  2. Dear Erin – you do not know me, but I have been following your blog for about a year now. After reading this post, I felt compelled to respond.

    In your tribute speech you said that “if you have stories of her, share those experiences with each other”. So girly what are you waiting for?! Tell those stories! This is a way that you can preserve her memory and share those special moments with others. Tell those boys next time they ask who that girl is – “she’s my best friend” and follow that up with a favorite memory. These guys are your family right now and it’s ok to lean on them. Plus, judging from what you have said about Deirdre, I’m sure you have a few good stories even the manliest of men would enjoy! Stories are a way to pass on lessons, share feelings and reconnect with your friend – and they are even better when they are told from the heart and genuine. So share away!

    Also in your tribute speech you asked everyone to remember to share their thoughts with Deirdre and trust that she is there listening and those thoughts are being received. Keep sharing those thoughts with her. Keep talking to her, as I am sure you do, because she is there listening.

    Be strong and have faith! Oh, and keep kickin’ ass!

  3. After reading this I was chocked up. I’m not one to post on people’s blogs. But I was really moved by this . Losing someone that is that close can be devastating . You are a true fighter in and out of the ring .

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