I haven’t written in, like, ages. Years, practically.
Okay. Right. Embellish much? It’s probably only been a few weeks. But still. It feels like it’s been a really long time.
Why haven’t I written, you ask?
I do not know. Life, I guess. I get caught up in my own bullshit and busy life. I neglect things that normally I would find time to do.
A week or so ago, I went to dinner with one of my girlfriends, Carly. We sat there, sipping vodka and yapping away. Well, I yapped my little face off; Carly patiently listened.
“Stuff” was going on in my life, stuff that I needed to vent about. Boy stuff, training stuff, the good old ‘what-am-I-going-to-do-now’ stuff. All these loads of crap that I was carrying, I just unloaded it right there on the table, next to the yam fries and veggie burgers.
And what are girlfriends good for? Other than drinking your problems away in a supportive teammate-like manner? Listening, of course.
So Miss Carly tolerantly listened and offered some advice to follow, when I stopped long enough to get more than a breath of air or a sip of vodka. One of the things she said to me was, “You’ve got to get back to writing. That’s your outlet, that’s your thing. You need to write.”
At that moment, I literally thought, “Oh yeah… I forgot that I like to do that…”
Literally. I literally thought that.
Okay, what the heck? Who forgets what they like?
I do, apparently.
But I am not pointing that out to share that I am a forgetful fool, who hardly knows herself. No siree-bob. I am pointing out that little forgetful moment, because I’d like to make a point.
When shit goes wrong in life, we have a tendency to stray. We stray from our good values or habits, we stray from what is healthy, we stray from what is positive and we tend to end up right in the arms of Mr. Negativity. Usually, Mr. Negativity encourages us to binge eat, wallow in the pain, blame others and make out with guys we don’t even like, in attempts to feel something. Not that I did that. But you know… making a point here…
Why is it so easy to be negative and miserable? That shit comes too easy, when we let it.
It’s seems that when things go wrong, we just forget ALL that is going right.
Yes, thinking positively takes work but it’s as though we say, “F that noise! I don’t want to work at anything! This is easier.” Instead of thinking of what’s right and what’s good, we think of how shitty things are. We think of all the possibilities for more shit storms that are going to hit because of the current shit status in our lives. All we think of is crap. Like, actual messy, stinky, good for nothing crap.
These minds of ours… they are tricky little buggers aren’t they? One moment they have us pumped that we can do anything, and then next, all they think of is everything that is or could go wrong.
So, Carly said “write.”
And I had to agree, this was a great place for me to get back to. But I didn’t get to it right away. Everyday, I sat down at my computer and hummed and hawed about it. I doodled in my day planner, which sits next to my computer. I wrote out random things in my journal… I wrote plenty of emails… but I didn’t ever sit down and write. Why was I avoiding it? I knew it would make me feel better.
I don’t know what clicked in me, but I just suddenly became overwhelmed with a lot of big feelings. I was brushing my teeth (ha) and a thought came to me… “who cares what I write, who cares if anyone ever reads it or if it makes it to the blog. Who cares if it’s funny, depressing, sad or strange. Just write, dammit! Do what you need to do to get back into the swing of things. You are human, you are allowed to have ups and downs. Just get back to it.”
And… here I am. Making myself get out of the arms of Mr. negativity, leaving the ideas of shitstorms behind and getting back in the lifestyle that feels better… doing the things that make me feel less blah and more vibrant… less like I have to vent, and more like I have to share.
Who knows what’s next, but it’ll come. The ideas will eventually flow from my thoughts and into strings of words on your computer screen. My outlet will be back in business and sharing and writing will feel like the “go-to” that it almost always is for me. I guess once and awhile we just need good friends to remind us what we like and where we come from… And I’m sure the vodka and yam fries help, too.
Sending love, hugs, and butt slaps…