Well. So, here’s the thing…
I haven’t written in forever.
Eight months to be exact.
For a long time, I didn’t even really care. I was pretty engulfed in a ton of other stuff, and the blog sort of took the back-burner. The past two months, however, I’ve felt the desire and need to get back to this part of myself. My creative itch needed to be scratched!
So, I finally sat my butt down, to get after it.
Funny thing is, I really didn’t know what to say or what to write about. Starting out with, “oh hey there, how ya been?” seemed a bit tacky.
It’s been a long time that I have put myself out there like this; it’s hard to know whether my jibber-jabbish is even worth reading. And come to think of it, I don’t even know what my jibber-jabbish is… What to say?!
That little bit of writers block kept me from jumping back in as quickly as I wanted. I had some things that I considered writing about … relationships vs being single, training for my fights, not winning those fights, self worth and self-confidence… all these things. But, it’s like, what? Do I just start writing as if I never was even gone? Or do I ease into it with some, ‘oh-hey-there-I’m-back’ posts…
Well, I’ve decided to say, “Hey there, I’m back!” Might as well jump right into it and share a good old grateful post, right off the bat. 🙂 That seems like a good start to get my groove back, and heck! It is the Canadian thanksgiving this weekend. Being grateful is the thing to do. 😉
Thankfuls and gratefuls
I’m grateful for the coaches in my life… the ones that put up with my inconsistent focus, drive and lack of understanding of technique… the ones that see so much greatness in me that I can’t help but think that they have either got to be crazy or lying. The ones that will not let me give up on myself, especially when I’m convinced that all I can do is give up. It takes a big person to lead another into battle. And I mean that beyond the battles counted in the cage… the battle to better yourself and to grow yourself… to stand by and be a witness and a responsible party in that is huge… I am so grateful for the individuals who volunteer to take on that role.
I am thankful for those souls in yoga class, who stand so strongly rooted on their mats next to me. It is all I can do not to stare in awe at their beauty and strength… the ones who hold such a space for themselves that it makes me want to be that kind and loving to myself, too… the ones who have so much good, clean energy in their space, that it overflows and they willingly share and help carry me through my practice… I love those strangers and am always so grateful when I end up next to them in class…
I am grateful for the continuous and unwavering emotional support I have from my family and my friends… I can sound like a broken record and have so much heaviness around me when I am down in the dumps… but these people support and love me through my worst. There are no words for how much I appreciate them. Plain and simple, they are the core of my life.
I am thankful for all the opportunities I am given to better myself and build a future for myself… going back to school has been challenging but more manageable then I ever imagined it to be. I was so afraid to start; that had to be the hardest part, just committing to it… but one afternoon over a subway sandwich, I received a gentle push and a loving talk from my favorite earthly soul. I was encouraged to take the hard road and to dive in… that I could do it, that they knew I could… that if I took this opportunity, it would be worth it. And it has been. I can feel a stronger more confident girl inside of me… one who feels smart, something I had never felt before, in regards to school. I am so grateful not only for that push to just do it, but also for the resources, time and support I have to make a college education happen. I would not be able to do it with out you people who help me. My future is taking shape, because of you.
I am thankful for my losses… they have been hard to swallow and my gosh, have they ever given my confidence a shake. It’s a deep low that accompanies a loss, let alone two losses back-to-back! Let me paint you a picture: you feel like you let everyone down, you feel like you don’t belong, that you’ve picked the wrong sport, that you straight up are an incomplete human being. But with those lows, have come lessons… and these lessons have taught me so much more about myself, as a fighter. Suddenly my game, the holes I have and my weaknesses were displayed to me. It’s like the Universe said, “here, let me give you the missing puzzle pieces… sorry, my deliver method sorta sucks, but this is how you get that missing piece, if you want to become more well rounded fighter.” It is so true what they say: you are either winning or learning. While this was a hard one for me to figure out, I recently have started to count it as a blessing in disguise. And for these blessings, I am thankful.
My list could go on and on… I could share with you that I am grateful for cinnomon raison bagels heavily coated in honey… I could share with you that I am thankful when guys wear backwards hats, tshirts and jeans that show the shape of their onion bum… I could share with you that Im thankful for Johnson & Johnson’s baby lotion… but I will pass on those little tid-bits. 😉
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
Sending love, hugs and butt slaps…