Give pain a purpose


Let’s talk about heartache.

Ahhh, heartache. We are all too familiar with that one, aren’t we?

When someone leaves us, the result is often a large gapping hole in our heart and soul. It feels like there is a void, like we are now incomplete, damaged and wrecked.

What do we do when this happens? Do we sit in those sad memories, tormenting ourselves by replaying the events, asking “why me” and then filling ourselves with anger, pity or regret?

Or when this happens, can we give the pain a purpose and make it work in our favor?

Changing the way we look at hurtful situations is hard. It takes determination and a conscious effort. But losing something shouldn’t leave us broken and devastated. Is that the point of pain? Is it truly meant to ruin us forever? I don’t really believe it is, my dear.

Here is what I am starting to discover about life: the losing of one thing should always lead to the discovery of another.

Fall gives way to winter, and winter to spring, and spring to summer. We lose what we have all the time. But something else will always emerge.

Are you getting angry with me yet? “You don’t know my story. It’s not easy to move on. You don’t know how bad I’ve been hurt and how hard this is.”

You’re right. I don’t know your story. But may I suggest that you take a look at what it means for you to cling to this claim? What role are you trying to adapt from this heartbreaking situation? Are you trying to define yourself as the victim, alone and incapable of strength? Are you really going to let that be your story?

I think you are sooo much more capable than that, sweet thaaang.

I’m not trying to minimize the significance of what you or anyone feels when the pain of a dark hole takes home in our hearts. I’ve 100% been there. I’ve lost two of my best girlfriends to Cancer. TWO. I’ve lost family members. I’ve experienced heartache more times in romantic relationships then I think one person ever should. I’ve lost opportunities I’ve been wanted, I’ve lost fights that meant the world to me, I’ve been rejected by others (and myself) more times than I could ever count. But, I am starting to discover that if I can get my shit together when I’m knocked down and hurting, if I can take a deep breath and just breathe, then I can give myself the opportunity to step back from that hole of pain, and the chance for my true self to emerge. And that self is a person of power, strength and capabilities. The decision to be strong doesn’t make me unique. It makes me human. We all have this ability.

When you give the pain a purpose, things will begin to work. It doesn’t stop the pain on point, but by turning it into an opportunity to change, help, serve or grow often can help ease the pain and dissolve it quicker. Think about the wonderful qualities of the people who you love… chances are they have a real sense of purpose in their lives. They are on point, focused and fulfilled. They don’t live in their pain, but rather when they experience it, they put it to use for them. How attractive and inspiring is that, right?

Step back and see if your true self will emerge from the hole of pain. Your life will be so much better when you define yourself as a capable hero who handed heartache with dignity and grace, rather than a victim who is alone, stuck and destined to hurt.

Sending love, hugs, and butt slaps…




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