Recently, I have suffered quite the crazy knee injury. In my MMA fight back in April, my ACL, MCL and meniscus all blew out. I pretty much exploded my knee.
It hurt. Ummm. A LOT.
My new ACL, created from my patella tendon, had to be put down with a double bone graft. It was a pretty serious injury. The road to recovery has hardly been ventured on. I’m only about two months into my healing. I probably have 4 or 5 more months til I can get back to training like I was. To BEING who I was.
Needless to say, it’s not exactly a smooth, exciting time in my life. I miss training. I battle internally who I am now, if I am not a fighter. A fighter FIGHTS. I am not fighting. I can’t for awhile. SO, who am I? What am I doing now?
That thought process is something I have to work with almost everyday. Some days are better than others. Some days, it’s not so bad. Some days suck, and in turn, I’m a real pooh head to be around.
But one thing I know for sure, one thing I practice no matter how crappy things are, is gratitude.
I know that it may seem like there is very little to be grateful with this current situation of mine. And some days that feels true for me. Somedays, all I can tell myself is that I am grateful this isn’t permanent. That it is just a transitional period of my life.
What I believe about gratitude is this: we are in constant dialogue with life. Whether we understand it, believe it or even realize it. Our thoughts and words matter, and will be reflected back to us, the same way a mirror reflects to us our image. What we choose to say and think, we will see more of.
If I believe that, does it support me to say my knee sucks, that this is always hard and that I hate it? No, it doesn’t support me at all to think or say those thoughts, cause I definitely don’t want more of it. Does it support me to say that my knee is getting better, that it’s gotten easier and that I am okay? Yes, that supports me so much more… I practice what I know works. Gratitude works.
For this situation specifically, I say I am grateful for how well and wonderful my strong, left leg has been, since it has been working overtime to carry my body weight. It is working so hard for me! I say I am grateful with how far my injured, right knee is coming. How great it is doing, how strong it is getting and how healed it is.
I tell my body ‘thank you for working to make me 100% again.’ All those little cells, creating new muscle, new attachments, new bone… my body fought off infection and illness when I was as vulnerable as I was in surgery and recovery. Its sole purpose has been and still is, to make me better. Billions of cells working in my favour. How amazing is that? That is easily something to be grateful for.
I think and say grateful thoughts about how my knees feel, how good and how well they are both doing. I say and think grateful thoughts about the support system I have in my friends and family, how I can afford to do physio-therapy multiple times a week, how I have people who message me just randomly, out of the blue to see how I am doing and how my spirits are. That is so special. I think and say grateful thoughts about how I have time to work my knee and exercise it on my own, how I have ice packs ready to rock and a strong knee brace to help me when I need it. I really have SO much to be grateful and thankful for. From little to big, I have so many grateful words and thoughts to share for this situation.
These ideas of being grateful and thankful are also shared in the book Life Loves You. I’ve made it my mission to share something from each chapter, with my readers. This is cool for me, this specific chapter on gratitude. I love reading those ideas and words… all of which I believe and lived even before reading this chapter. And the fact that they are being shared in a book I love, by someone else who I look up to and admire, (author Louise Hay), is just awesome. It kind of reaffirms to me that, yes i am doing something right. I’m on the right path. I am going to be okay.
The book says, “gratitude always brings a new awareness… you will see the world differently.”
This is so true.
How dark would my world be right now if I looked at it and sulked about my knee? It would be so dark and I would be a real drag to be around, that is for sure.
But instead I choose to see the good in it… to see the light, to see the things that are going well. One of Louise’s affirmations, which I LOVE, is “every experience in my life benefits me in some way.” I’ve been writing this over and over in my journal lately. I love the way it sounds and flows. i love repeating the words on paper, over and over. I love the way it makes me feel. The ease it gives me. The anxiety and sadness of the knee injury are dissolved with those words…
If I choose to believe this experience will benefit me, then I choose to be grateful for it. And from this point of view right now, there isn’t much better than that. That is where I want to stand and see things. i want to see things to be grateful for. The more I choose to see, the more I will see. Period.
Is there anything less than ideal happening in your life right now that you could find some gratitude for? Is there something, no matter how small, that you could recognize? Considering filling this in: “one thing I am grateful in my life is…”
The more you choose to see, the more there will be to see. Whether it is good or bad, positive or negative.
Go forth and rock it, my grateful friend.
With love, hugs and buttslaps,