I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness and “moving on” lately. About keeping the past in the past. I think it is a pretty brave and bold path to go down, but of the idea of what it’s like to forgive, as in, the end result, is what’s striking a chord with me. What it really means to leave the past in the past and to be new in each moment.
Sometimes, I feel tied or connected to certain people from my past. It is not all the time, as in every moment of everyday, but sometimes it creeps up. Usually when it surfaces, I find myself back in the hurt and can’t help but hate to feel so emotionally or energetically tied to those people, that energy and those hurtful memories.
And when I get sucked into obsessing over them (what they did… who they acted like… how they wronged me) I know that if I can’t get them out of my head, that there is still a darkness in my heart. Which means there is darkness in my present. Which also means that the past isn’t in the past.
That may have confused you. Stay with me here.
Okay. Allow me take you in this direction.
The other day I watched a video about hurt and pain. What I took away was this:
If someone hurt you in the past, yes, THEY hurt YOU in the past. But, if you are carrying that hurt with you in the present moment and if you are still preparing to carry that with you in the future (keeping your “walls” up, trust issues, etc) then YOU are hurting YOU now. THEY are not hurting you now.
Let me say that again… They aren’t responsible for hurting you. You are responsible for hurting you. They aren’t responsible for that pain. You are.
They don’t exist in the present moment with what they did. It happened, past tense. It exists now, only because you haven’t let it go. You have chosen to make it apart of your life now.
YOU are responsible for that.
Mind boggling right? Isn’t it easier to blame them?
Maybe. But then we give away our power to make it right. We make the outcome dependent on THEM. They did it so they are to blame. And we wait for them to fix it, and therefore stay energetically tied to them for no meaningful purpose at all.
Breaking those energetic ties and leaving the past in the past is not dependent on them. It is dependent on US.
I love this because suddenly, in that moment of realization we can decide to leave them where they were. Which is in the past. We can decide to be responsible for the pain and ache we are feeling, and choose to let it go out of this moment.
This is the path to real forgiveness, freedom and responsibility.
When we stop bringing those moments that hurt us or those people who did the deed into our present life in the form of thoughts or even as intimacy walls, we begin to quit dragging them around with us like a heavy ball and chain. It doesn’t exist anymore, unless we choose to think of it.
That’s right, a mere THOUGHT is the only way it exists. And a thought is just a thought. It can be changed.
This sounds easier than it is. Or, at least it sounds easier than it is for me. It can be hard but I realize and understand that I just need to stop dwelling on it when it comes up, in order to cut that emotional tie that keeps me connected to my past. Of course, it can be pretty difficult sometimes. My thoughts have been known to snowball and pretty quickly I’m taken back to a feeling and thought that hurts.
But I know I don’t want to be in that yucky darkness. It sucks. It’s emotionally exhausting and draining and I feel as though I’m not who I actually AM when I’m sucked backwards like that.
So, right there in that moment I have the power and ability to choose no. I can tell myself, “that is over and done. I’m here now. Part of forgiveness is leaving the past in the past. I choose to leave that energy and pain there. I choose to be here now, and to be responsible for creating my future and my present moment with uplifting light energy only. I will not be the one that hurts me now. I choose better than that for myself.”
It really is about awareness, willingness and choice.
But, don’t fret: this is a life long practice and no body is perfect.
I think that it will always be a conscious effort, for most of us. We are human and humans are wired for struggle. So, knowing that it might take some effort and practice, well… knowing is a good thing. That’s where the awareness leads to a power that transforms.
It’s all up to us and we can start over every moment with every thought.
Sending love, hugs and butt slaps…