Open letter to my best friends new man

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To my best friends new boyfriend…

I know her better than she knows herself. I know her past relationships should have turned out better. She deserves better.

I’ve seen her struggle with tormenting thoughts and ‘what if’ statements. I’ve witnessed her lowest of lows. When I thought her heart couldn’t possibly break into any more pieces, there it was… breaking to what looked to be unfixable.

Some how, those days, that pain, scarred over. The mark has been made, but the initial rage of the pain has subsided.

Somewhere in there, she met you.

Now, she is starting to see and feel the sun again. She is beginning to smile when she looks at her phone and sees your name lighting up the screen.

But, I know her. I know her.

I know she still hurts. I know there are still very tender wounds deep inside her.

Fear. Doubt. Pain. A void.

Men who never deserved her were always given more time then they should have been granted. More love than they deserved was handed out faithfully. More trust. She has always given so much of herself away for love. She has always tried to see the best in others, and this unfortunately meant loving men for their potential, not for who they actually were.

In return, she was lied to, cheated on, belittled, frightened and broken.

I know her better than anyone. I know her.

And she never deserved that pain. It changed her.

Yet, here we are. The worst of the hurt, of the darkness, is hopefully behind us. She’s dating you now. How can I protect my best friend from hurt terrorizing her life again? How can I spare her of any potential damage you will inflict? Why should I believe that you won’t be the same as the scum in her past?

She is sensitive.

Soft.

She is still healing, even though she appears whole.

I need you to know this. If you care about her happiness, you will learn about her past pain.

It’s true; the past is in the past. And I agree that the best place to be is truly in the present moment. But in those moments, when she pulls back, questions, quiets or tenses up, you should know why. You should want to know why, where that comes from.

If you care, you will learn about what has shaped her. You should know the kinds of burdens she carried. You should learn all about the things she has hidden in fear, frustration and shame.

If you want to love her, learn about her. All of her.

She deserves a fairytale kind of love. I want to protect her from anything that falls short of that.

She’s dating you now, but I know her more than she knows herself. She’s been deeply hurt. And while she looks whole and complete now, know that there is pain still deep inside.

I hope you will rise up and help her heal that which you didn’t cause. I hope you will help heal her past, in order to see her be truly free of it.

She’s my best friend. She deserves this and so much more. Treat her like no one has treated her before and I promise you, your life will never be so rich, so vibrant, so strong.

Signed,

Her best friend

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