A Spiritual Journey: Who signed me up for this?


Today on the good old elliptical trainer, I started contemplating what it meant for ME to be on a spiritual journey.

A ton of thoughts started dancing around in my mind.

Do I want to be a spiritual journey? Cause I am. What the crap. How did I get on it…? Did I sign up for this? Can I go back to how things were before this all started?

Truthfully, I’m not totally sure when all this began for me. What kind of agreement had I pleaded and entered into with the Universe? What did I think I might gain from venturing down this road?

I have no answer. For the longest time, I have just been “like” this. On this path.

I think most of us want growth and expansion in our lives. And when we decide that, it is almost like the Universe begins to conspire on our behalf… adding players and scenes into our days that will aid in our growth and expansion.

Our little worlds suddenly become bigger, deeper, richer. And sometimes, more complicated.

It’s funny. I beleive when you make the decision that you “want more” out of life, life will give you more. And there is really no way to turn back.

Once you wake, you’re woke.

What has my experience been like?

Well, I’ve had growth. I’ve learnt a lot of lessons. Some have come through hands down amazing, one of the kind moments where I was on top of the world. But most of them, the big ones I suppose you could say, they came hand-in-hand with heartache, break ups, physical injuries, and death of friends and loved ones. But with experience – with life – came growth.

Growth. My heart, my spirit, my mind…

They all became bigger and better, band-aids taped to them and all.

I don’t think that a path like this ever really ends. For me, it’s been like peeling an onion back. More and more layers just keep showing up. You might cry. You might want to turn around and walk away from it. And with each layer, you see how much there is still to heal.

In a nutshell? It’s hard.

The best worst thing you’ll probably do for yourself.

But with the struggles, there will always be wins, of some sort. It’s a law of the Universe: balance. Death and birth, give and take, loss and gain.


Yes, I decided on the elliptical, this has been hard. But what do I expect? That it should be easy?’ 

It’s not. It won’t be.

So, what has it meant for me? This path?

For me, being on a spiritual journey means reaching out to other souls for advice and connection.

Humans are wired for connection. One of my favorite authors Brene Brown has all sorts of books, videos, and talks rooted in science and research that support this theory. We need other humans. And when we are on a spiritual path to the bigger life we know we want, we begin to see that this path is not walked solo. It is 100% littered with family, friends, enemies and strangers.

All of which we need for growth.

They are imperative to your expansion. You are imperative to theirs. Trust that you are serving each other, no matter the length of stay or the impact of the time spent together.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means to consider that I might have a story that I am playing on repeat, and not only do I need to hit pause, I need to let that bad-boy go.

Story? What do you mean story?

You might have a story if you say things like this to yourself, and others: “I shoulda known this was gonna happen, this kinda thing always happens, I just can’t catch a break.” Or “Men are liars and cheaters. They all are.”

Whoa. Yup. Story.

Living helplessly into a story like that completely strips you of your power and rips hope out of your heart.

Give. It. Up.

Besides… has thinking and living into that story helped you at all? Oh wow, no? How shocking.

Try living into the opposite and see how that changes your day-to-day living and happiness. Even if nothing changes, doesn’t the idea of not being a negative, Debbie-downer seem appealing?

For me, being on a spiritual journey means getting quiet and still.

Stop asking and start listening.

To what, exactly?

To silence.

Prayer is where we talk to God, meditation is when we listen.

Get quiet.

Not only that, get out of the crazy loud buzzed out city. Go for a country drive. Hike. Sit next to a stream with no iPod or iPhone.

Silence and stillness will answer so many questions for you. If you let it. Get still and silent.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means to be brave enough to send love and blessings to people that I DON’T want to send love and blessings to.

Your ex? Your exes new girlfriend? The asshole who cut you off in traffic? Your cranky coworkers?

Yup. Right there. Give it away.

If you believe in the law of balance with in the Universe, than you know what you give out, always comes back to you. Give it away.

This one, for me, takes effort and practice. Strangers I can bless. People in my life, who I feel “wronged by”… ugh, they take a little more work. But, I’m committed to them. I truly am. They don’t know who they are but I spend five minutes everyday, sending them love and light. I set the timer on my phone and I close my eyes and visualize sparkly light, sprinkling slowly down on them. I imagine it completely covering them. I imagine it warm and comforting to them. Then, I do my best to see their face and see them smile.

Fuck. Sometimes, it’s so hard.

But I always feel better when I do it.

For you too it might be difficult at first, but that then is a sure indication that you need to do it. Like I said, give it away.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means surrendering.

You don’t have it all figured out. You don’t have all the answers. You can’t micro manage and fix every detail of your life or your loved ones lives. Surrender that shit. Give it up. When you surrender, it doesn’t mean you give up power and everything is “over” … what it really means though is that it’s about to begin. But the catch is you have to surrender and completely let go first. Let your grip loosen; something will come from it.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means less of a material world.

And more, simple, natural space. Less social media. In fact, I devote one day each week, where I do not go on Instagram, Facebook, emails, youtube…

Instead, I favor and seek brief moments of connections with strangers… maybe smiling as they walk by, performing some random act of kindness, or just chatting with someone in line behind me.

Favor connection. This is where the gold lies. Not in owning the newest iPhone or video game, having the most “liked” status update or profile picture or in the shiniest new car.

Think simple.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means consciously and purposefully choosing my version of balance.

Balance to me? It won’t look like balance to you. And that’s okay.

For me, it’s yoga and MMA. It’s wine, chocolate, nachos, and juice cleanses. It’s trying to drink so much water so that my pee is incredibly clear and it’s binge eating on pizza and root beer floats til I feel like I might throw up. It’s long drawn out days spent alone in nature and short attempts in an evening to watch a horror film. It’s self-help books, underlined, starred and marked up and shared with friends and it’s therapy, counseling and paying for a professional to talk me through my shit. It’s stilettos and little black dresses and it’s bare feet in the grass in over sized t-shirts and tights. It’s being at the front of my store all day long talking to customers and it’s going home and not speaking a word out loud again for the rest of the night.

For me, it’s modern and traditional. It’s meaningless and it’s priceless. And it’s truly loving it all for what it adds to my life, how it makes me feel, and what it allows me to give energetically to others.

For me, being on a spiritual journey means…. a face off. 

Yup. A face off. With yourself.

You stop wondering if others like you and start wondering if YOU like you. And then you face off with yourself. The good, the bad, the light, the dark… you look at it all and consider how much you’ve loved of yourself and how much you’ve tried to hide. The parts you don’t like. The parts you wish you could alter.

It can be a bit of a battle. One that isn’t won over night, but if you continue to face off with your little demons, you can begin to love you. All of you. And that, my sweet thang, is going to be apart of your spiritual path from the day you entertain the thoughts, to the day your soul leaves your body.

The amazing thing is this: everyones paths look different. Some parts we write about in blogs (ahem…) and some parts we don’t write about or speak out loud because the pain is still too raw. It’s all there.

And it’s all different. Yours. Mine. Theirs.

It’s all different. But they are all worth venturing down.

Thanks for being a witness to mine…

Sending love, hugs, and butt slaps




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