Have you ever struggled in life?
Maybe you and your boyfriend broke up but you still feel a sting from the heartache and you find moving on difficult to do. How do you become whole and complete again? There’s a struggle between what is, what will be and what was.
Or maybe you’re totally over your ex but instead, are struggling in the dating world. You struggle to make promising and exciting connections. How do we make that happen?
How about if you’re a mama raising a family, busting your tired ass to get the kids to a million different places, every day of the week, while aching and longing for a sleep-in or romance? There is a struggle there that is deafening.
We struggle. We all struggle. You’re probably in it; I’m in it right now. The hot mess of it all.
Allow me to share. My struggles are currently and loudly with romantic relationships.
I’ve dated. And I’ve put in the work and time to really get over my ex. Really, I have. And in my own stance of pride, I’ve done pretty great for myself. I’ve come a long way. The person I am today didn’t breathe a chance six months ago. I could not let go.
Today, I’m doing okay. I still struggle on some things but I’ve got a pretty good track record now of surviving hard days.
But some things just aren’t quite healed. They haven’t quite disappeared from the front of my mind to a memory of the past. That’s where I find myself struggling. I want to be free of its constant grip.
One thing I’ve realized about struggle – no matter if it’s yours, mine or one we witness in friends and family – it is this: there is no quick fix. The pain brought on by struggle doesn’t willingly go away simply because you’ve done a little hard time hurting and put in a little work to get out of the black hole you are in.
No cookie cutter recipe. No quick fix.
Another thing I’ve realized, with any struggles in life, is that we have to do the shitty work. We have to. There is no easy work. There are no easy buttons to our lives. To really get what we want, totally and completely, we have to do the shitty work.
Here’s an interesting share: I thought I was doing the work. And you know what, in some ways, I did. But I also know I was trying to rush through the work. You know? Get my toes wet a little in the discomfort but not really all the way in, then rush to get on with it, to dry ‘em off and carry on to my happily ever after.
It doesn’t work like that. FAST isn’t an option with healing and struggle.
So what is it then? How is this shitty work supposed to… ahem, work? How do we know if we are doing it? How do we know if we are in the crap deep enough? How many steps forward do we have to take before we can glance backwards and see a few miles covered?
Well. That’s the thing with struggles and the work it requires of us to come through to the other side… one day you might only need to wade up to your knees in the mud and murk to make progress, and somedays you might have to completely submerge yourself underneath it all to just move forward a half of an inch.
So I got to reflecting. How the work works.
What I’ve seen in my own experience is this: even if we get a system or a rhythm going, this doesn’t mean it’s going to be fool proof and equal progress every single time. Maybe there is a few different ways to get answers and a few different ways move forward. Maybe one way will only work once and then never again.
As we change and grow, our strategies and approaches need to change and grow, too.
It could be like math. (I hate math). And it could be possible that I’m not getting the right answer or the answers I want because I’m just flat out not doing it right. Am I adding when I should be subtracting…? And am I only adding now because adding has worked before?
Or, maybe I’m multiplying when I should simply be putting down the pen and walking away all together, to make some progress and unstruggle myself.
Maybe I could just do the work differently now.
If one method doesn’t give you what you want or move you toward a better version of yourself, perhaps it’s time to change how you do the work. Try a different method.
Within your method right now, what have you been pretending not to know? Are you avoiding a method that, deep inside, you know you should try? And these paths and methods which you need to try – are you willing to do it?
Willingness is a big step in the right direction of a new equation for work. If we are willing, then our healing process can begin, right then, in that moment. Before we ever start the shitty work, we can start healing.
You can do it. I can do it. We are somehow incredibly capable and magically equipped to move through the crap and into a brighter, bolder spirit. A healed spirit. One that has done a lot of heavy lifting, but has the spiritual muscles to show for it.
Wishing you love, hugs, and the best butt slaps during your shitty work…