How did healing happen?
I think I saw and had these tiny moment of freedom… tiny moments of not hurting but instead laughing… not obsessing and wondering, not noisy non-stop chatter of my mind but instead quiet and stillness and breath. Tiny moments of peace where my heart wasn’t at war with the question “why.”
I think thats how my healing began.
And when I recognized that, at moments, I felt less tormented, I tried to recount backwards and recapture how I got there. So I could get more, so I could grow it and make it last.
As that constant pain, wondering obsession shrank, my ability to heal grew. My kindness grew, from being undetectable to me to once again, recognizable. My presence grew. My ability to call a spade a spade grew. Tiny moments of freedom led to tiny moments of expansion. And in that expansion, healing happened.
That’s how I look back at my healing. That’s how I think it happened. In tiny moments of freedom.