1 – I curbed how I wasted down time.
I deactivated Facebook, removed the pinterest app from my phone and unfollowed a whole whack of people on instagram. After this was first done, when I was waiting in line or on something else, it was, like W E I R D. “Okay, what am I going to do right now?” Instead of jumping online via one of the many easily accessible iPhone apps, swiping up and completely checking out, I decided to stay present and attempted to check IN. It wasn’t always easy. But you know what, sometimes it was. I tried to stay with my breath more and I definitely did more people watching. Downtime transformed to just more me time. #Winning.
2 – I stopped talking to my ex.
Do we all have this grand idea that we can stay friends with our ex and just be chill adults about things? It’s like, “oh, you’re moving on? Congratulations! Whats she like? I bet she is so amazing. Maybe we should all go for drinks sometime? I can’t wait to meet her. I totally support your happiness and I definitely don’t feel jealous/hurt/confused/disposable at all.”
Why do we try that route first? Shouldn’t that be, I don’t know, years down the road? For me, that wasn’t going to be a thing. There was so much hurt and anger there for me, that I decided I needed, for my own hearts healing and future, to stop talking to my ex, stop pretending like I was fine. Stop pretending like how it all went down was okay and easy to swallow.
I will not even pretend like this “quiet time” as I dubbed it, was easy. It nearly killed me. First, it was “I haven’t talked to him at all today” then, “I haven’t talked to him in two days” then, three, then five, then weeks, then months. The more time I let pass, the easier it got. The more I healed. And the bigger and better my life got. As much as I wanted a friendship to blossom and to transition neatly to the next stage for us, in the beginning, that was just not going to happen. I took the hard first step of cutting off all forms of contact, even when he continuously reached out, and I know I changed my life because of it. I can’t even believe where I am now, a year later.
3 – I read 21 books
A little goal of mine for 2017 was to read 20 books. Mission accomplished at 21 and man, there was some good ones. This was something I wanted to accomplish this year because too often I have historically put off the things I want to do, in order to serve, help, rescue someone else. And because I know I love the feeling of reaching goals, I knew if I made this a goal, I would force myself to carve out time for me, instead of blindly giving away my time to save others, with their false emergencies and false deadlines.
4 – I returned to my roots of what I know makes me feel good
I blogged more this year than I have in years. I use to write all the time. Then I just got away from it. But this year, I put myself out there again on the interwebs. I wrote my thoughts in my journals and notebooks more. I did weekly and monthly reviews on paper. I wrote, wrote, wrote. I wrote in many different ways, thru many different avenues. There is something about words for me… on paper. From thought form to visual form. It just makes me feel good. This year I got back to doing that more. I think I am a happier person when I get to write, and so I want to make this even more prominent in my life for 2018.
5 – I accepted what I’m not.
After a long stretch of trying to be happy in a career that I was not fulfilled in, I admitted to myself that I didn’t in fact like it or the life it had created for me. I accepted that I was miserable there. No more sugar coating it: I wanted a change. I learnt so much about myself though, as I reflect back. It’s been a slow layer to peel, and at first it felt really shameful. But I’ve accepted what I am not and made peace with that inside my heart. Once I found the courage to admit that to myself, it’s like life started handing me new road maps to many new possible lives and dreams. “Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? Here, sweet child. Here are a few possibilities for you to choose from. I have more though, if none of these look like what you are looking for. Whatever you would like, I will give you the opportunity to do so.” Second chances, for the win.
6 – I found God
Well. I found a glimpse of what I feel a compassionate, all-loving and grace soaked God might be. I am working on this one still. But it’s been like having a new piece to a puzzle. I’m just trying to decide where the piece goes.
7 – I practiced gratitude more than ever
This practice became a more habitually routine for me. From being something I would do when I was “on” and when things were great … it became something I would do when I would feel frantic and hopeless. It became less of a shiny accessory I added to an already wonderful life, and more of a emergency life jacket I wore at all times, ready to inflate if needed, which I especially did when I felt like I was going under.
8 – I continued to search so I could continue to grow
I don’t think we will ever have it all figured out. This year I invested more money in the expansion of my mind, not only through the 20 some books I mentioned above, but also through multiple online courses (Brendon Burchard), seminars and programs (Landmark Worldwide) and daily wisdom-filled podcasts (The School of Greatness and SuperSoul Conversations).
I am a seeker. I want to grow, expand and learn A L W A Y S. And this year I invested more money in myself to be able to do so.
9 – I made goals and lists that I did not accomplish
There are so many. SO many.
Lists, ideas, goals, deadlines… many, many things that I wrote down, that I wanted to do. Daily, monthy, for the year in general.
Plenty – and I mean P L E N T Y that did not get done. But with everything I didn’t accomplish, I eventually got myself to look at it like this: well, did I really want to do this anyway? Or did I just think I should want to do this? With everything that wasn’t accomplished, in the end I got around to looking at why. Some I realized that my time management just flat out sucked. Some I realized not only do I put way too much on my plate daily and weekly, but I also realized some of those goals and ideas weren’t even mine to begin with. No wonder there was no fire under my ass to get them done. What wasn’t accomplished gave me a bigger view at my life. And that has been transformational.
10 – I started to put ME first.
This has been an ongoing struggle where I do it for a while, then I fail and then I get back on the bandwagon and do it again. But I can feel the weight of it and I can see how it makes a difference and I know how important it is for me now to honor what I need.
I use to feel bad that I wanted time to myself. “Ugh I should go be more social, I should go out for a bit tonight…” Should, should, should. Why SHOULD I? I decided that I shouldn’t do anything unless I can replace the word should with the words want or need to. This wasn’t and isn’t a foolproof formula but it helped me become more aware of why and when I was saying yes to things I didn’t want to say yes to, which allowed me to start putting me and my very sensitive, seeking spirit, first.
Here’s to 2017 and all it taught us….