How do you want to feel?

How do I want to feel?

I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately.

I come to it when I am bumping up against some pretty shitty feelings. Maybe my man and I got in an argument… maybe I’m feeling left out and behind when I see people out having “fun” with out me… maybe I’m stressing about money, my choices, my lack of ‘me’ time…

And when I hit up against those shitty emotions, especially when I hit up against those shitty emotions, I’m getting in the habit of asking myself this simple question:

How do I want to feel?

Usually the answer will be something like…





Usually how I want to feel is the exact opposite of how I am currently feeling.

But reconnecting with how I want to feel, rather than how I’m actually feeling, seems to be a game changer for me. It gets me back to being a certain way. Knowing how I want to feel sparks the actions to get to that feeling.

Not only have I been asking myself this golden question with feelings, I am using it for decision making and goal setting, too.

Game changer… I’m telling ya… game changer.

“You’re not chasing the goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you… What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel in our life, and then we set our intentions? What if your core desired feelings consciously informed how you plan your day, your year – your life?”


That comes from author, speaker, creator and all around Canadian bad-ass Danielle LaPorte who wrote one of my new favorite books, The Desire Map.

She says that identifying our core desired feelings… the feelings we most want to feel across the board in our life… is the way to live a life that deeply, fully satisfies our souls. She says that by staying connected to how you want to feel, “you’ll feel the way you want to feel more often then not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know when to say ‘No, thank you’ to and when to say ‘Hell yes!’ to…. It will be easier for you to return to your center in the midst of a challenge.”

How do I want to feel?

I’ve spent some time since reading her book playing with words that evoked something in me… something that felt good, on a deep, cellular level. Words, feelings, that I could apply to many, if not all of the areas in my life.

Let me tell you, there were many, many words that I wanted to have because they sounded pretty or felt neat.

Goddess. Innovative. Heavenly. Delightful. Thriving. Blessed. Eloquent.

But the words I decided were mine are something more than “pretty”… they act as an umbrella to so many of those other words I felt attracted to, feelings I felt attracted to… these words are all encompassing to the feelings I want to feel in my finances, my relationships, my friendships, my health, my free time, how I mother, my expressive self…

What are your words, you ask?

My words, the way I want to feel… is






Asking myself how I want to feel, and then answering with one of these words, brings me back to the moment where I can decide to feel, think and act in alignment to the person I want to be.

You don’t need to read The Desire Map to figure out what your most wanted feelings are (although I would definitely recommend it). Just begin by asking yourself the simple question when you are caught up in the hard stuff. How do I want to feel? Your soul knows. And when it answers, you can choose that feeling instead.

Gratefully yours,


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